Wow…what a surreal and exhausting day. Left early in the morning for Boey’s MRI. She was determined to go through an hour of MRI testing without sedation. She told everyone “if I can do it without sedation during radiation, I don’t need that gross stuff for the MRI”..yep..that’s our girl..determined, brave, strong, reslilient, and NEVER willing to back down or refrain from speaking her mind. The nurse got her all comfy on the MRI machine and Boey was beaming with pride that she was doing it without sedation. She had her earplugs and was ready to go. They allowed us to be in the room with her and we were rubbing her legs so she knew we were right there with her. MAN!! That machine is insanely LOUD!! I think the noise alone freaked her out..then she got to warm and after 10 minutes had enough. The tech came in and told us that she was moving just a little and they might have to redo the scans.
Rob and I were comforting Boey making sure she knew how proud of her we were for even trying(even the tech said an adult was in there earlier and didn’t even last two minutes…Bo loved that story)and that she will probably need the sedation after all. SHE HATES THE SEDATION (and saline and heparin)soooooo much because she is hyper sensitive to the taste and it makes her gag, and throw up at times. She couldn’t wait to hear the results of all her hard work frying this nasty tumor so she reluctantly agreed to the sedation. The doc comes in with the sedation and she immediately sat up and started screaming ” I will not let you touch my port with that stuff..NO..I said NO..I will not let you do it..you can’t do it..I won’t let you”..it was terrible, the doc looked at us and said “you are doing the right thing”..she was crying and kicking at this point and said “mommie..don’t let them do this..I can do it without sedation, I can do it, give me another chance”. She fell asleep instantly after the sedation and I couldn’t stop crying so I left the room.
I couldn’t believe it all went down that way. We knew she needed the sedation or she’d be in that machine all day being retested because she would have moved, etc…but that was absolutely heartwrenching. We were so proud of her for even trying and lasting as long as she did without sedation. Rob and I were cringing just observing her in that narrow, dark, and loud machine. She is so BRAVE. Now it’s a matter of waiting out the results of the MRI.
AS the day goes on(rob and I are dying with anxiety over the results of the MRI)we went back to the clinic to talk to her doctors about the ongoing fever, headpain, and tummy pain. I also noticed ever since Saturday night at the ER she was looking very pale(very suspicious of her hemoglobin..possible anemia)and today confirmed it. Her RBC counts were all very low(WBC counts were surprisingly good) and might be why(along with the fevers)she could be having headaches. Her skin was very very pale..even her lips were almost white. They started a whole unit of blood right away for a transfusion which lasted about four hours. It was such a relief to see the color come back to her cheeks and lips. It also killed me to know that she was that anemic. I never thought I’d see the day that I was actually excited about a blood transfusion(I use to be terrified of someone else’s blood going into my daughter).
WE had a very special visitor today. A friend Marissa(also a die hard Absent Elements fan just like us:) that is a cancer survivor came to visit Boey and offer her support and love. She brought really special gifts and HUGE HUGS. It was the first time all day Boey actually smiled despite feeling horrible. Thankyou Marissa for spending the day with us, it meant alot to us that you were there to show your support. Boey was pretty grumpy so she didn’t really get to talk to Marissa very much, but she said n the car how much she loved everything and couldn’t wait to put on her other Chris t-shirt Marissa gave her and how happy she was that she didn’t let her cancer win just like her. It was so awesome ..thankyou Marissa!! You and Boey are true warriors and such an inspiration…thankyou for sharing your day with us.
Thankyou Annie(Boey’s name for her other grandma) for bringing the wonderful much needed food to the hospital. None of us had time to eat amidst all the chaos so that definitely hit the spot!! Boey woke up briefly after the transfusion and turned into an eating machine!! It was so awesome to have all that great food right there for her..we appreciate it SO MUCH!! Thankyou for making our day that much easier and being there for us, it means alot.
The results of the MRI. The doctor said the tumor is shrinking and definitely showing a response to the radiation and chemo. This was awesome news, but there was a huge part of me that was so disappointed that it wasn’t just GONE…FRIED, INCINERATED, BURNT TO A CRISP, FRIED BEYOND RECOGNITION, SO UNRECOGNIZABLE THAT THERE’S NO POSSIBLE CHANCE IT CAN EVER HURT MY BABY AGAIN. So yes, I have mixed feelings. I’m rejoicing in the fact that it hasn’t grown, it’s responding, and it’s shrinking. It’s incomprehensible to us that there is a chance of just one microscopic cell wandering off and finding a new home in her body while the tumor is still there. This is so unfair. WE told Boey the exciting news and that all her hard work is paying off. She was pretty out of it..so hopefully tomorrow she will realize all her strength and determination is paying off in a HUGE way and she is kickin cancer butt all over the place!!!
I talked to the doctor forever about removing the dead tissue once we know it’s completely dead. She said the surgery is not possible “because it would kill her”. We were so confused. Noone had explained to us until today(or there explanations weren’t very clear in the past)that this stupid evil nasty tumor has pretty much embedded itself in her sphenoid bones(so much as to have remodeled her bone structure in the orbital area of her face)skull bones in her head, tissue, blood vessels and to remove the tumor would mean ripping out her skull bones, and everything else(she said her brain would fall forward once it was removed). This was so disturbing and so surreal Rob and I just looked at eachother in disbelief.
Nobody had described the tumor this way..I always thought it was just a mass of tissue you could surgically remove(they work on brains why not her tumor), and it would be gone forever. I told the doctor I fully intended on contacting many other doctors for a second opinion. She insisted that they would all say the same thing, and I insisted that we need to hear that for ourselves. We have to at least know we have exhausted all our resources to be okay with the fact that this sickening piece of tissue can’t be removed..ever.
We just need to pray that it never recurs and the chemo does it’s job the next four months in killing ALL THE CANCER CELLS THAT COULD BE HIDING OUT. She said there is a 25% chance of recurrence and if it does recur it’s MUCH HARDER the second time around. I didn’t even know how to respond to all this…Rob and I were so devastated..we truly believed it could be removed, but we will continue to pursue other doctors and battle this monster head on. After all the hell this kid has gone through, we will do EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER to ensure she never has to go through this again. She has so much to offer this world, and Boey is one special little girl.
She did not receive her big chemo today because of the ongoing fever. The doctors are worried about possible viral meningitis, sinusitis, or lung infection. She is going to go back tomorrow for more testing..possible spinal tap, chest x-ray, and CT-scan. They want to monitor her fever and rule out any of these possible infections before she receives any chemo. For now, her next chemo is set for this Thursday depending on these test results. All blood cultures have come back negative. The docs said sometimes we can never figure out why there are fevers, but hers just seems to be going for so long, and that’s why they are being extra cautious.
Your prayers for our brave and beautiful lil warrior are being answered, so please continue to pray your hearts out for a complete healing and recovery. Pray for God’s strength and wisdom for our family. We miss our family being together. I desperately miss my boys. WE LOVE YOU CHRIS AND JOE…BOEY IS THE LUCKIEST AND MOST BLESSED SISTER IN THE WORLD TO HAVE YOU AS HER BIG BROS!! SHE MISSES YOU AND CAN’T WAIT TO BE WITH YOU AND JUST LAUGH AND HAVE FUN!!! Not being together because of constant trips to Portland and overnight stays has been so taxing on our boys and our entire family. Thankyou Gramma and Grampa for your neverending unconditional love and support for our boys. We know how hard they are taking this, and you are always there for them and loving them when we can’t be. You are so special to us, and we love you SO MUCH. Thankyou for lifting our family up during this time with all that you do. WE could not do this without you guys.
Thankyou to Boey’s Bald HERO for lifting her spirits on Saturday. She needed that boost right now more than ever, and she was beaming when she heard his voice on the phone. She is so excited about the American Idol concert. She may not get to go depending on how she is doing. We talked to the docs today and they said if her counts are really high she could probably go but only for a short time(minimizing exposure). She deserves this special time soooooooooo much. She was so excited when her hero told her that he can’t wait to meet her and give her a hug. Thankyou so much for taking the time out of your insane busy schedule to talk to our lil warrior and lift her spirits. WE hope you realize how much we appreciate you and everything you’ve done. BOEY LUVS YOU!!
Boeyism of the week “Boey did you ever think you were this strong”? ” Nooooooooooo mommie, didn’t ya know most kids aren’t ready for a battle like this”? OMG..she blew me away with that one. She just continues amazing us with her Boeyisms….Boeyisms are quirky, spunky, sassy, funny, sweet, innocent, straight from the heart, and cute little words that Boey comes up with out of nowhere. Boeyisms are what makes Boey so unique, and so very special. Right now we have our very favorite Boeyism that we take comfort in, especially after today… “THIS TUMOR MESSED WITH THE WRONG BOEY”. IT SURE DID BOEY GIRL!! KEEP KICKIN IT WHERE IT HURTS SWEETIE!! YOU ARE OVER HALFWAY THERE!! WE LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!